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Rosenthal & Markowitz

Westchester County Divorce & Probate

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Collaborative Divorce

I Told My Spouse I Want a Divorce, Now What?

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Telling your spouse you want a divorce is only the beginning. The next steps will depend on the reaction you get. Do the two of you want to settle things amicably? Aside from not wanting to be married anymore, are you able to work together in the best interests of your children?

If there are any domestic abuse issues, or you expect the process to be contentious, you will likely need to pursue traditional litigation. In other cases, Mediation or the Collaborative Divorce process may be the best approach.

Maintain Financial Status Quo and Gather Documents

You should both try to keep as calm and civil as possible. Try not to fight. Do not close or deplete any joint bank accounts. Instead, begin gathering all the information you can. You will need:

  • Documents of all bank accounts and credit cards. Your goal is to obtain statements from the last five years.
  • Tax returns.
  • Real estate deeds. How property is titled is relevant to property division.
  • List of property you believe is your own separate property.
  • List of all the personal property and real estate you accumulated together during your marriage.

Telling spouse you want a divorceThere are situations where one party has access only to a savings account. You might not have a checking account or credit card. You may not have access to any funds and worry how you will survive. Even then, before you access your one source of available funds, you need to consult with your attorney for advice on what to do next.

How to Tell the Children You are Getting a Divorce

If possible, as parents you should be together when you tell the children about the divorce. You need to reassure the children that they did nothing to cause the divorce. The divorce is strictly between their parents and that you will both still love them and take care of them.

This is a good time to consult with a family therapist to help the children through the process and help you know how to proceed with the divorce in ways that are in the best interests of the children.

Contact Family Law Attorneys at Rosenthal & Markowitz, LLP

For answers to your questions about the divorce process, whether through traditional litigation, mediation, or collaboration, contact our family law attorneys at Rosenthal & Markowitz, LLP. You can reach us online or by calling 914.347.1292.

 

How to Have a Child-Centered Divorce

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No matter how you handle it, divorce is a traumatic experience for your children. But if you put your children’s needs above your own and work together with your spouse to focus on what is in the best interest of your children, you can ease their transition in ways that will have a positive influence on them that will follow them for the rest of their lives.

Where to Start

The first thing for you to do is settle the custody issue. From there, other issues can be resolved, like child support.

Focus on the needs of the children and answer their questions. Children want to know:

  • Where will we live?Child Centered Divorce
  • Will we have to move?
  • Will we need to change schools?
  • What about extra-curricular activities?
  • Will we lose our friends?
  • Will we still see our other parent?

You may not be able to answer all these questions, but you can tell them it’s not their fault and that you both will continue to care for them. Consider that you will be co-parenting these children for the rest of their lives. Their needs will change as they grow, but you and their other parent will always need to work together as you both remain involved in their lives.

We tell our clients, “You are parents of these children, not until the end of the divorce, but for the rest of your life. God willing, you will be grandparents together. You should be able to get along. For the sake of your children, work toward a good relationship.” That is what it means to put your children first.

Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are Child Centered

Mediation and Collaborative Divorce are divorce processes that help to put the children first.  One of the benefits can be to bring in a child-parent coordinator to help you learn how to communicate with your co-parent in positive ways. You learn co-parenting as an evolving process as you learn to work together in the best interest of your small children and as they grow through middle-school, high-school, college, and become parents themselves.

Parenting is a long journey. Your children will need you even when they are adults. It is important for you to build a relationship with your co-parent that always focuses on the best interests of the children, no matter how old they are.

Contact Family Law Attorneys at Rosenthal & Markowitz, LLP

For answers to your questions about how to have a child-centered divorce, or questions about the divorce process, contact our family law attorneys at Rosenthal & Markowitz, LLP. You can reach us online or by calling 914.347.1292.